Tag Archives: moving forward



I recently went through a situation that got me really sapped. The situation was compounded by that fact that I couldn’t place my hands on what the issue was until much later. I sought counsel with some people and they rose to help. To God’s glory, I overcame.

However, I couldn’t understand why I had to go through what I went through. More so, it wasn’t palatable in any way. Of course God saw my heart and heard my question, though not uttered.

Some weeks after, a lady walked up to me to seek audience with me over an issue she had been battling with. Because I couldn’t make out time to see her immediately due to other pre-scheduled appointments,  we both agreed to meet on a particular day. You can imagine my surprise when we eventually met and she began to narrate what she was dealing with. It was the same issues I had gone through. I couldn’t believe my ears. So this was part of the reasons why I went through all that I did? I counselled her and shared my experience with her. I told her how God helped me and brought me out stronger. Today, she is a lot more joyful than she was when we spoke.

As if that wasn’t enough, I was at a meeting with another lady just some days back. I had prepared what I wanted to discuss. But the lady, almost at the point of tears, suddenly blurted out and began to narrate what she had been going through for some weeks. Guess what? It was exactly what I had gone through. Whao! By God’s grace, I counselled and encouraged her to stay strong.

These two different episodes got me thinking. God knew these ladies would one day face this mountain and so had prepared a source of comfort and solution for them in me-by first taking me through the same. I began to see the purpose behind my pain and discomfort.

As humans, we don’t like challenges. We love our peace and don’t want to be ruffled. Unfortunately, life is not designed to work like that. Regardless of your lack of preparedness, challenges are going to crop up. We will have mountains to climb and rivers to cross. There will be issues to deal with and trials to overcome. Some of life’s situations can really grate your nerves or even leave you overwhelmed and ready to quit. We are sometimes pushed to the point where we find ourselves asking ‘But why me?’, ‘So, what have I done wrong?’

My purpose for this post is to help us see things from a changed perspective. Rather than feeling sad and pitiful, let us brace up and ask ‘Why not me?’ Rather than having a victim’s mentality, ask for the purpose behind your pain. Could it be that the liberation of millions of other people is tied to the problem you are currently facing and their hope hinged on the fact that if you could survive, then they will. You know it is not impossible that your story which is being woven with the fabric of that ugly situation you are presently fighting to overcome is the only reason why some guy somewhere will refuse to commit suicide. That is how life works, so don’t waste your pain or develop a sour attitude because of your troubles.

As I have discovered first hand, going through a tough time is demanding enough, but when you lace it with a negative attitude, it becomes unbearable. Aside from that, you become so blinded by the situation that you are in no shape or frame of mind to help others which is a major purpose of life.

So, the next time life throws one of its heavyweight problems at you, brace up and ask, WHY NOT ME? Let the joy of the many others who will be set free through your experience fuel your desire to overcome and stand tall at the end of it all.

…helping you find the gains in your pain!





Hello everyone! And happy new year( this is my first post this year) Apologies for being away! Got really busy towards end of last year and took a while for me to settle into the new year. Anyway, I am here now-to share my life and lessons learnt-which by the way have accumulated over the months -with you. I bet you will be transformed as I have  been. So happy reading!

Some months back, I was in my living room having a ‘me time’. I was watching Lion King:Simba’s Pride. Beyond the fun and relaxation it provided, I also learnt a big lesson. Simba’s father had just told him that he was going to be the king after his death (Simba’s father). Out of innocent excitement, Simba went to share the good news with his uncle Scarr. Unknown to Simba however, his uncle also had his eyes on the throne and wasn’t too glad about the news though he pretended to be. In order to prevent Simba from becoming king, he plotted Simba’s father’s death and sadly, he succeeded.

As I sat watching, the Holy Spirit began to minister to me by calling my attention to the fact that if Simba had kept quiet and not told his uncle anything, his father wouldn’t have died and Scar wouldn’t have been able to blackmail him into going into exile. In order words, it was the information that Simba gave Scar that empowered him to harm Simba and his father. Hmmm…life!

The second lesson I learnt is to never assume everyone is as we are. That you are innocent and transparent doesn’t mean everyone else is. Simba was ignorant of the hatred and envy that was deeply seated inside his uncle. What was supposed to be a good news met with the hatred and bitterness and produced murder and wickedness. You are the only one who knows yourself, you can’t tell what is locked up inside the person you are relating with, so sensitivity and discretion are required.

I know this is difficult to swallow because as humans we want to relate with people. We want them to share in our joy and progress. This is perfectly in order but at the same time, we shouldn’t put ourselves in a position to be manipulated by people based on the information we give them. I am not asking us to become paranoid and suspicious of everyone. Rather I am asking us to be disciplined and sensitive when it comes to sharing deep and confidential information with people. Be observant. Take time to study and KNOW people before opening your bossom to them. I am sure that if Simba had had the maturity to observe his uncle, he would have seen that evil was resident inside of him. Let us be wise because some hardships are simply uncalled for. Remember that privacy of thoughts and security of life go hand in hand.


…helping you find the gains in your pain!






The security of lives and the privacy of thoughts go hand in hand. Some lives are over-exposed.’ Pastor Poju Oyemade via Facebook.

One of the things that escalated the issues in my marriage was because I confided in someone who I thought was a friend only for me to start getting winds of her involvement with my then husband. We were praying and meeting together to discuss business and life generally. But because she knew there was already a crack in the marriage, she capitalised on that. Yes, things were not too rosy, but with her in the picture, they just got messier.

Now, the big lesson God taught me as He began to unveil the reasons for the myraid of issues I was having then is that the only information the enemy or people in general can use against you is the one you give to them. So, how about if we all just learn to maintain privacy of thoughts. Don’t over-expose the cracks in your life lest the serpent creeps in stealthily.

I am not talking about putting up a front and pretending that you have life together when you actually don’t. Rather I am talking about applying discretion when it comes to sharing personal issues, especially when it has to do with your marriage. Not all your friends need to know what is going on in your home, your next big idea or how much you get as house allowance.

If you want your life to be secured, then maintain privacy of thoughts!


…helping you find the gains in your pain!

When the only way forward is behind…


 As part of my commitment to professional and personal development, I decided to register for a professional exam. If my memory doesn’t fail me, the last time I sat for one of the stages of this exam was eleven years ago. Yes, you read me right, eleven years.

After making this decision, I started feeling awkward because I felt like it had been such a long time. Why did I not complete the exams then? But then, I also reminded myself that what is important is to go ahead and just do it, regardless of my feelings.

As if that was not enough, I had to go through the gruelling process of having my old registration and past exam documents dug out amidst loud gum-chewing employees of the professional body in question. This process took hours and repeated visits but I had to bear it. More so, there was no way I would be allowed to proceed with registering for and writing the exams unless all these past documents were found as a way of validating my membership and how to proceed. It was a perfect case of looking backwards to move forward.

This got me thinking. I remember clearly that one word/advise that people repeatedly gave me after the separation was to move on with my life. Good piece of advice I must tell you. Life is not static so why should you be? I have however found out that sometimes to really move forward, we might have to pay the past a visit-like I am doing right now.

Now, I know that many people do not like to deal with the past for the following reasons:

– it makes them feel uncomfortable: when you decide to face the past momentarily, you will be confronted with facts that you would rather just close your eyes to. My advice? Open your eyes and deal with the ‘dealables’. You are setting yourself free to embrace the future.

-it makes them feel awkward: enrolling for an exam that my colleagues had concluded on years ago made me feel somehow. But I put feelings aside so I could deal with life

-it takes too much time: I had to wait for hours for my old documents to be fished out and also make several visits to the office of the organisation in charge of the exam. Not too palatable if you ask me, but absolutely necessary.

-it reminds us of what could have been: only God knows how far I would have progressed professionally if I had gone ahead to write all the stages of the professional exam when I started. All the same, I also realised that I have the opportunity of creating my future so that I won’t have to deal with this type of regret again.

This list can go on and on but the point still is, the clue to the future can sometimes be found in the past.

Personally, I am at a point where I want to take my business to the next level and also position it for bigger opportunities. After a lot of praying(yes I do pray!) and thinking, sitting for this exam is one of the many steps to take. So I have a decision to make: go ahead with it and see the business attract bigger clients and grow or forgo it and stay on the same level. It was totally up to me.

So, are there unresolved issues in the past that only facing and dealing with is the way out? Then by all means, go ahead and do so. Could it be that the past holds the key to your deepest dreams and aspirations? It is time to step back then, so you can really step forward. Perhaps, your life is littered with abandoned or half-done projects, ventures and all. Go back and get them done. That is moving forward!

As I was in the process of getting the exam registration sorted, on a number of occasions the thought of forgetting about the whole thing popped up in my mind. But each time it did, I felt stuck, stagnant and limited. On the other hand, each time I told myself I was going ahead no matter what, I felt like I was making progress and my life was going in the right direction. The decision alone filled me with peace so I can imagine my ecstasy when I eventually write the exam and emerge the best graduating student in my set/class(that is part of my dream and promise to myself). I don’t need a soothsayer to confirm that I was doing the right thing.

I know we live in an age where we want everything smooth and quick. So many of us do not like to experience any form of delay, so asking you to go back to the past sounds distasteful to you. But my advice is, if that is the key to living the kind of life you desire, if it is the key to being happy, then by all means, step back so that you can experience real progress.


…helping you find the gains in your pains!