Tag Archives: emotiona healing

WHY NOT YOU?

why-not-you-1-728

I recently went through a situation that got me really sapped. The situation was compounded by that fact that I couldn’t place my hands on what the issue was until much later. I sought counsel with some people and they rose to help. To God’s glory, I overcame.

However, I couldn’t understand why I had to go through what I went through. More so, it wasn’t palatable in any way. Of course God saw my heart and heard my question, though not uttered.

Some weeks after, a lady walked up to me to seek audience with me over an issue she had been battling with. Because I couldn’t make out time to see her immediately due to other pre-scheduled appointments,  we both agreed to meet on a particular day. You can imagine my surprise when we eventually met and she began to narrate what she was dealing with. It was the same issues I had gone through. I couldn’t believe my ears. So this was part of the reasons why I went through all that I did? I counselled her and shared my experience with her. I told her how God helped me and brought me out stronger. Today, she is a lot more joyful than she was when we spoke.

As if that wasn’t enough, I was at a meeting with another lady just some days back. I had prepared what I wanted to discuss. But the lady, almost at the point of tears, suddenly blurted out and began to narrate what she had been going through for some weeks. Guess what? It was exactly what I had gone through. Whao! By God’s grace, I counselled and encouraged her to stay strong.

These two different episodes got me thinking. God knew these ladies would one day face this mountain and so had prepared a source of comfort and solution for them in me-by first taking me through the same. I began to see the purpose behind my pain and discomfort.

As humans, we don’t like challenges. We love our peace and don’t want to be ruffled. Unfortunately, life is not designed to work like that. Regardless of your lack of preparedness, challenges are going to crop up. We will have mountains to climb and rivers to cross. There will be issues to deal with and trials to overcome. Some of life’s situations can really grate your nerves or even leave you overwhelmed and ready to quit. We are sometimes pushed to the point where we find ourselves asking ‘But why me?’, ‘So, what have I done wrong?’

My purpose for this post is to help us see things from a changed perspective. Rather than feeling sad and pitiful, let us brace up and ask ‘Why not me?’ Rather than having a victim’s mentality, ask for the purpose behind your pain. Could it be that the liberation of millions of other people is tied to the problem you are currently facing and their hope hinged on the fact that if you could survive, then they will. You know it is not impossible that your story which is being woven with the fabric of that ugly situation you are presently fighting to overcome is the only reason why some guy somewhere will refuse to commit suicide. That is how life works, so don’t waste your pain or develop a sour attitude because of your troubles.

As I have discovered first hand, going through a tough time is demanding enough, but when you lace it with a negative attitude, it becomes unbearable. Aside from that, you become so blinded by the situation that you are in no shape or frame of mind to help others which is a major purpose of life.

So, the next time life throws one of its heavyweight problems at you, brace up and ask, WHY NOT ME? Let the joy of the many others who will be set free through your experience fuel your desire to overcome and stand tall at the end of it all.
Pearl

…helping you find the gains in your pain!

 

Advertisements

OF THINGS AND YOU…

stuff 2

One of the hard lessons I have learnt in the course of separation is that things don’t make a man or woman as the case may be. Things are things while you are you. I know a lot of us grew up accustomed to a certain lifestyle and often derive our self worth from our possessions. So whenever anything tampers with the things we own, it tends to affect our personal assessment of ourselves.

Now getting personal, I was already accustomed to a certain comfortable standard of living. Based on agreement, my husband and I sold our old car and bought a new one which we shared. We lived in a decent area in Lagos state, Nigeria. Though we were not the summer vacation type, we travelled as the need arose or whenever the opportunity showed up. All of these changed with the separation because my husband took the car. I had to change accommodation so as to get away from the prying eyes around. And because I needed time to stabilise financially I couldn’t afford to take a vacation outside of Nigeria for a while. Did all of these situations try to redefine me? You bet they did. For one, I couldn’t imagine my life without a car! How was I to attend meetings with clients, move around etc? It was as if my brain shut down. I felt incomplete without a car. Oh! And the accommodation. Although the flat I got was quite expensive, the environment was nothing like where I was coming from. People who know me know that I do not like crowded areas. But here I was in this busy part of Lagos. As for travelling, each time I picked my passport and saw my unused visa, my heart would always ache. This continued until I started having a better understanding of who I really am.

Over time, God helped me to separate my identity from my possessions. He made me see that with or without a car, I am who I am. The presence of a car doesn’t add to me and so the absence shouldn’t subtract from me. Also, I learnt that the area where I stay does not define me because I am already who I am. Ah! These were tough lessons for me I must confess, but embracing them freed me from the pressure. I stopped feeling ashamed or less than others simply because I didn’t have a car. I also stopped feeling bad about my location or my inability to travel as frequently as I used to before the separation.

Daily, I am learning to see myself as I really I am and not through the eyes of my ‘haves and have nots.’ When I look at myself today, what I see is a strong, resourceful, determined, beautiful woman. I see a fighter and a winner. I see a woman with potentials. I see a change agent, who has been healed so as to help others experience healing. I have desires and aspirations quite alright and love to enjoy the good things of life, yet I have enough insight today to know that I am not my possessions, neither am I my achievements or location. Things are things and I am me. And that for me suffices.

Are there things you have lost due to one problem or the other? Are you experiencing a drop in the level of comfort you are used to? Have you been stripped of everything you once had and enjoyed? Whatever the case, don’t loose yourself. You are all that matters. Things don’t make a man. So, keep yourself and stay at peace. Restoration is on the way and I mean it!

Pearl

…helping you find the gains in your pains

 

THE ANATOMY OF HURTS -PART 1

At the one and only family meeting held with me in attendance after my husband had told my family members that he wanted a divorce, he was asked for the reasons behind his actions. He said a lot. Then he began to say some things which I will talk about in some other posts . I couldn’t believe this was the same man I was married to for nine years.

For weeks and probably months after my husband said those words, I was in deep pain. In fact, for two days after the meeting, I couldn’t sleep. I was too distraught. No, I didn’t see it coming, and so began my journey into the abyss of pain. Deep hurts, so real the pain is almost physical.

Hey reader, hurts are real! Trying to sweep them under the carpet like nothing happened to you only empowers the hurts to fester and grow deep roots on the soil of your soul. I kept carrying the pain until I went for a retreat put together by a mentor of mine. I went for the meeting with a lot of burden because one of my brothers was also critically ill. In the course of the meeting, those who had one prayer point or the other were told to say it so others could pray along . Really, all I wanted God to do for me was heal my brother and spare his life. As far as I was concerned at that point, everything else could come after. I wasn’t ready to bury anyone. And so I was ready to bombard God with my request. However when I opened my mouth to pray, it was a different game entirely. At that moment, the Holy Spirit came and ‘coached’ me on how to pray and what to say. He told me to tell God that ‘Lord, You heard what Dan (not real name) said and You know it hurts me. You heard how he dragged my family in the mud. And because of this, Lord, You have to resolve the issue in question.’ I started saying this. I tried to move on to other prayer points but I couldn’t. All I could say repeatedly was what the Holy Spirit told me to. By the time the prayer session was over, for the first time, I knew deeply within me that my case was settled.

Some weeks or so after the retreat, I found myself remembering those painful words again and weeping-even when I didn’t want to. I kept telling the Holy Spirit that I didn’t want to cry on account of what my Dan said. What I didn’t realise was that God was deliberately excavating the issue from where I had buried it. And the tears were to cleanse my emotions, soul and memory so as to rid me of the venom of those words. I couldn’t make any meaning out of the whole episode because my understanding was so limited.

Months after the whole weeping episode, I was in my kitchen when the scene of that meeting played in my mind again after a very long time. Something had however changed! I found myself laughing at my husband’s folly for saying the things he said. Even though I knew he said those words to hurt me, yet I just found myself amused at it all. The anger and pain had all disappeared, replaced by ease and joy. This happened on several occasions. At last I realised that the Holy Spirit was calling my attention to the fact that He had healed me-even without my knowing. Ah! I was so overjoyed. So happy! I felt literarily lighter. Before this time, there was no part of me that wanted to set my eyes on my husband. But after this healing and cleansing all the hardness of heart I had towards my husband fizzled out.

There are times when my emotions want to act up or the hardness wants to resurface, but I keep declaring loudly that my husband is forgiven by me and remains so whether he ever comes to apologise to me or seek for my forgiveness. Unforgiveness is not a burden I want to bear. My shoulders, emotions and heart are too delicate for such.

I learnt a lot of lessons from this experience and will share them in the concluding part of this post, so stay connected.

I really want to hear from you readers, so feel free to comment.In what ways have you experienced healing? Do share with other readers.

PEARL
…hurts are real, healing is possible & wholeness is achievable!