Category Archives: joy



I recently went through a situation that got me really sapped. The situation was compounded by that fact that I couldn’t place my hands on what the issue was until much later. I sought counsel with some people and they rose to help. To God’s glory, I overcame.

However, I couldn’t understand why I had to go through what I went through. More so, it wasn’t palatable in any way. Of course God saw my heart and heard my question, though not uttered.

Some weeks after, a lady walked up to me to seek audience with me over an issue she had been battling with. Because I couldn’t make out time to see her immediately due to other pre-scheduled appointments,  we both agreed to meet on a particular day. You can imagine my surprise when we eventually met and she began to narrate what she was dealing with. It was the same issues I had gone through. I couldn’t believe my ears. So this was part of the reasons why I went through all that I did? I counselled her and shared my experience with her. I told her how God helped me and brought me out stronger. Today, she is a lot more joyful than she was when we spoke.

As if that wasn’t enough, I was at a meeting with another lady just some days back. I had prepared what I wanted to discuss. But the lady, almost at the point of tears, suddenly blurted out and began to narrate what she had been going through for some weeks. Guess what? It was exactly what I had gone through. Whao! By God’s grace, I counselled and encouraged her to stay strong.

These two different episodes got me thinking. God knew these ladies would one day face this mountain and so had prepared a source of comfort and solution for them in me-by first taking me through the same. I began to see the purpose behind my pain and discomfort.

As humans, we don’t like challenges. We love our peace and don’t want to be ruffled. Unfortunately, life is not designed to work like that. Regardless of your lack of preparedness, challenges are going to crop up. We will have mountains to climb and rivers to cross. There will be issues to deal with and trials to overcome. Some of life’s situations can really grate your nerves or even leave you overwhelmed and ready to quit. We are sometimes pushed to the point where we find ourselves asking ‘But why me?’, ‘So, what have I done wrong?’

My purpose for this post is to help us see things from a changed perspective. Rather than feeling sad and pitiful, let us brace up and ask ‘Why not me?’ Rather than having a victim’s mentality, ask for the purpose behind your pain. Could it be that the liberation of millions of other people is tied to the problem you are currently facing and their hope hinged on the fact that if you could survive, then they will. You know it is not impossible that your story which is being woven with the fabric of that ugly situation you are presently fighting to overcome is the only reason why some guy somewhere will refuse to commit suicide. That is how life works, so don’t waste your pain or develop a sour attitude because of your troubles.

As I have discovered first hand, going through a tough time is demanding enough, but when you lace it with a negative attitude, it becomes unbearable. Aside from that, you become so blinded by the situation that you are in no shape or frame of mind to help others which is a major purpose of life.

So, the next time life throws one of its heavyweight problems at you, brace up and ask, WHY NOT ME? Let the joy of the many others who will be set free through your experience fuel your desire to overcome and stand tall at the end of it all.

…helping you find the gains in your pain!





Hello everyone! And happy new year( this is my first post this year) Apologies for being away! Got really busy towards end of last year and took a while for me to settle into the new year. Anyway, I am here now-to share my life and lessons learnt-which by the way have accumulated over the months -with you. I bet you will be transformed as I have  been. So happy reading!

Some months back, I was in my living room having a ‘me time’. I was watching Lion King:Simba’s Pride. Beyond the fun and relaxation it provided, I also learnt a big lesson. Simba’s father had just told him that he was going to be the king after his death (Simba’s father). Out of innocent excitement, Simba went to share the good news with his uncle Scarr. Unknown to Simba however, his uncle also had his eyes on the throne and wasn’t too glad about the news though he pretended to be. In order to prevent Simba from becoming king, he plotted Simba’s father’s death and sadly, he succeeded.

As I sat watching, the Holy Spirit began to minister to me by calling my attention to the fact that if Simba had kept quiet and not told his uncle anything, his father wouldn’t have died and Scar wouldn’t have been able to blackmail him into going into exile. In order words, it was the information that Simba gave Scar that empowered him to harm Simba and his father. Hmmm…life!

The second lesson I learnt is to never assume everyone is as we are. That you are innocent and transparent doesn’t mean everyone else is. Simba was ignorant of the hatred and envy that was deeply seated inside his uncle. What was supposed to be a good news met with the hatred and bitterness and produced murder and wickedness. You are the only one who knows yourself, you can’t tell what is locked up inside the person you are relating with, so sensitivity and discretion are required.

I know this is difficult to swallow because as humans we want to relate with people. We want them to share in our joy and progress. This is perfectly in order but at the same time, we shouldn’t put ourselves in a position to be manipulated by people based on the information we give them. I am not asking us to become paranoid and suspicious of everyone. Rather I am asking us to be disciplined and sensitive when it comes to sharing deep and confidential information with people. Be observant. Take time to study and KNOW people before opening your bossom to them. I am sure that if Simba had had the maturity to observe his uncle, he would have seen that evil was resident inside of him. Let us be wise because some hardships are simply uncalled for. Remember that privacy of thoughts and security of life go hand in hand.


…helping you find the gains in your pain!






Hurting people hurt others, isn’t it? When you have been treated badly and hurt by people you love or loved so dearly (and maybe who also loved you at one point or the other), the tendency to go through life lashing back at people-even without knowing it is so high. You might not really mean to, but you find yourself reacting to people-including the ones who are trying to show you love, out of the abundance of your pains. It is so easy to feel helpless in this situation.

From my personal experiences, I have however found that our pains can serve a higher purpose than using them as an excuse to hurt everyone that comes our way. We can use it as the motivation to step out and help others so they won’t have to go through what we have. And if they must, we can aid and guide them as they do, so that they are informed and prepared for whatever life throws at them.

I have purposed not to empower my pains and the wrongs done to me by allowing them to bend me out of shape. They won’t become my reason for having a sour attitude to life and infecting others with same.

From where I stand, I can see that I have been hurt so I can heal, rejected so I can love and despised so I can embrace many others who will one day walk in my shoes. That is the purpose of my pains.

Whatever hurts or pain you are dealing with today, you can either empower it and become enslaved to it…or you can let it propel you to reach out to others. The choice is not only yours to make, but ultimately to live with…

Pearl …helping you find the gains in your pain.




For most women going through separation, or who are divorced or widowed, keeping body and soul together or making ends meet can be a big challenge. With mouths to feed and bills to pay, making money sometimes becomes a major focus. In cases where the woman was totally dependent on the man financially it can be really tough as she is now left to fend for herself (and the children as the case may be.) This is further worsened by the Nigerian legal system which does not really mandate the man to do anything for the woman in the case of separation or divorce

The first few year after separation was a bit rough financially for me. Yes, I had and still have a business, but I had never had to depend solely on it. Before marriage I had a job and was living with my sister so I was already used to getting one form of support or the other. But with the separation everything changed. And because I knew I couldn’t afford to fail and was to dignified to beg, I threw myself fully into the business. I began to do business as business. I gave every brief that came my best shot. I was determined to cross this hurdle and be as comfortable as possible. Over the years, things began to ease out financially. However I had grown accustomed to working with my teeth clenched and had no social life at all. My itinerary was office, church/fellowship, visits to family and few friends. Before I knew what was happening, I started having a deep sense of sadness in my soul. I couldn’t place it. Yes, I was going through separation, but I had made progress emotionally. It took a while to realise what the problem was. I was sad because I had no time to have fun and catch my breath. I wasn’t doing things that would make me laugh. In short, I wasn’t feeding my positive emotions.

I decided to make adjustments. I began to recollect the things that I loved to do and that brought me joy such as watching cartoons (especially Tom and Jerry), reading Christian fictions, going out with friends to eat or just chat. I started to incorporate these things into my life. I invested in Tom and Jerry collections and I must tell you I always have a good laugh each time I watch. I also bought and borrowed Tyler Perry’s Madea collections and create time to watch. I have also gone back to reading Christian fictions and once in a while, I go out with friends. Today, my soul is lifted and there is sunshine again. This experience has since taught me the importance of living a balanced life As much as I have to work hard, I also have to ensure that my joy tank is full. Yes, I have bills to pay and demands to meet, but not at the expense of life, because as I have recently discovered, JOY ITSELF IS LIFE!

So here is my advice, work hard and give it your best shot. But also don’t forget to create your own happiness-daily. Don’t just make a living, have a life. Deliberately do things that make you happy. Have fun, throw your head back and laugh. Feed your positive emotions and create joyful memories.

For the woman out there who has no support and must make ends meet, I feel you, seriously I do. But always remember that you still have a life beyond paying bills. Work hard but play hard and be joyful as well!


…helping you find the gains in your pains.