About 9 months after my husband moved out of the house, he had a meeting with my family members. At the end of the meeting, it was agreed that two other meetings be fixed with me in attendance. One would be at my sister’s while the second would hold at his brother’s. The one at my sister’s place held and my husband was asked again why he thought separation/divorce was the way out. He gave his reasons and I must say I was shocked. His words were so hurtful and so painful that for two days I couldn’t sleep. Worse still, the elderly people in attendance at the meeting did not give me the opportunity to say anything!
By the time I assessed my emotional state, I knew I was in no state to hold another meeting and so when he called some days after to discuss the meeting at his brother’s I had to decline. I knew I didn’t have any inner strength to either sit and listen to those hurtful words again or defend myself, even if I was given the opportunity. I just wasn’t interested anymore. My sanity was all that was paramount on my mind. There was a lot of pressure mounted on me so as to get me to attend the meeting but I politely declined and stood my ground.
Now I did this not because I was being obstinate or opposed to reconciliation. Rather I did it because I knew I had to protect my peace and sanity. I had to take responsibility for my emotional state. My emotions had been badgered over a period of time and I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was my duty to take care of myself whether people understood or not.
In the part of the world where I come from, whenever issues arise in a relationship especially marriage, many moves are made by family members and well wishers towards reconciliation. There would be meetings and deliberation sessions. The simple truth is these meetings take their toll on the emotions. So, while I am in support of attending please also pay attention to your emotional well-being. It is your responsibility. Going through separation or divorce is bad enough. When you add the burden of showing up at different meetings, it can become a bit unbearable.
I know an average person desires reconciliation, but don’t expose yourself to any situation that is toxic to your emotional or mental state. Don’t sit through meetings where your self-worth would further be questioned. Don’t spend the rest of your life holding conversations that will leave you emotionally drained. Remember that whether you succeed at reconciliation or not, you still have a life to live. With the days ahead, you need to be strong emotionally and mentally.
Also, don’t forget that it is your life and no one will protect you if you don’t. Know what you can cope with mentally. If you don’t feel up to a meeting or discussion, politely decline and ask for a reschedule where possible. If you stay peaceful and maintain your peace, there is nothing God cannot do.
…helping you find the gains in your pain!