There is a part of us as humans that longs to be accepted. For years, I made several efforts to get my husband to accept me. I wanted him to communicate to me that I was special. Aside from that, I also wanted him to be happy being my husband. But it didn’t happen. I would ask for his opinion periodically on how we were fairing. I wanted to see changes and looked forward to positive feedbacks. Unfortunately, the few that I got weren’t so encouraging. It felt like, there was nothing that could be done about our relationship.
I shared my frustration with a very dear friend and sister. She looked me in the eye and said ‘Chase God!’ She went ahead to explain that people who chase God will eventually have men and women desiring their audience. Hmmm…! I decided to heed her counsel and learnt to face God squarely. Not that I didn’t have a close walk with God before my friend’s advice, but knowing what she had also been through and how soaking herself in God had helped her, I decided to pursue God much more than ever before. I learnt how to befriend Him by spending more time with him in worship, the word and prayers. I learnt how to pour my heart to him. I am not talking about getting busier with more church activities. Rather I am talking about learning to love and desire God more.
Of course this did not eradicate the loneliness but I had more joy and peace. I discovered how to be joyful without waiting for my husband’s appraisal of the marriage. I also learnt I didn’t have to wait for things to be perfect to have peace.
I did not realise the power of being a God chaser until my husband left the marriage. Yes, I was hurt and felt bad, but I wasn’t devastated. I did not become a wreck. God provided a padded landing place for me making it easy for me to absorb the shock of the whole event. What was meant to crash and crush me became a walk over because God had helped me to build and gather strength in His presence. Each time I share what had happened with people, they are always shocked and would say “You are a strong woman”. But I have enough common sense to know that I don’t have any strength of my own. God has been and still is my strength.
It’s been almost 3 years now since I returned to an empty flat after my trip, yet God has kept me going. Looking back, I am so glad for the time spent with Him, even in the midst of pain and loneliness. God has made it all count for my good.
I know as women and humans in general, we want to be loved and accepted. We want to be that special somebody in someone’s life. But I have also realised first hand that it may not happen this way. So perhaps you are going through some form of rejection-from your husband, wife or a friend. Or you are frustrated with your marriage because it has become a constant source of pain, may I offer you the same counsel I was given then: CHASE GOD! Chase Him with every fibre of your being. Not only will He not reject you, He will also equip you with the strength to deal with whatever comes your way. With Him, you may be lonely, but you are definitely not alone!
…helping you find the gains in your pain!